He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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