If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
