mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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