party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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