hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
