dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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