Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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