we have officially lost it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
