We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
