he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
