Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
