His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
love makes seman taste better
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
