Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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