i think my mom watched the whole time
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
