DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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