i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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