what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
