You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
