But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
please come you make the beer taste better
I just gift wrapped bread.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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