Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
