I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
