Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
