My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
