As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
