Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
