I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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