There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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