4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
