I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
