So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
