what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
