The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
