So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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