i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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