U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
