I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
