that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize