her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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