Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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