oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
