I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
