??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
