That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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