You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
