$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
