Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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