You're so nebulous sometimes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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