in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
