When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
