and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
