She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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