I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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